My first week of teaching high school students is behind me. How do I feel? Depleted--emotionally, physically, and mentally. I knew this was going to be a challenge and a steep learning curve, and it is. I knew that the certification class, the books, and all of the advice given to me by fellow teachers would not be enough to cut it once I got into the classroom, in charge of a room full of teenagers. I knew that the only way for me to become a good teacher was to just get in there and do it.
I’ve read that most teachers want to quit after the first year. I’ve been told that it takes a year, two, sometimes even three or four years before a person feels they have a handle on teaching and even begins to enjoy it. That helps me to cut myself some slack. After the first day, I drove home thinking, “Now, WHY did I want to do this? What was I thinking?”
It wasn’t that the day was absolutely horrible. However, it was psychologically and physically tiring and I had several surly students who didn’t appreciate my changing their schedules in order to have time with them in the classroom. (By way of explanation, the kids in my Retail Store class split into two groups during the period: one group works the student store during first lunch while the other half is in the classroom and then they switch places for second lunch shift). It probably didn’t help that it was their first day back after Spring Break, either.
I posted notices that the store would be closed last Monday. I did this in order to have the whole group in class with me for my first day with them. The situation is difficult in that I’m not starting from scratch with these kids like a new teacher at the beginning of the year. I’m replacing a much-beloved teacher who is out on maternity leave. Some of these students have been with her for two years and are also in the youth group that she and her husband lead at a local church.
Needless to say, my work is cut out for me. The psychological factor at work here is that most of the kids have an allegiance to the teacher I’m replacing and are very well bonded to her. I think they look at me as something of a “usurper.”
My personality is, of course, quite different from their former teacher. She is 30-ish, perky, bubbly, and talkative. These are not words I would use to describe myself. I enjoy humor, consider myself a little off-beat, like to ponder things from an intellectual and spiritual point of view, but can be fairly reserved until I feel comfortable around people. Then it’s hard to shut me up. So, of course, I’m not going to try to replicate the manner of my predecessor.
(On a side note, many of them did enjoy the Bobble Head Freud and Sarcastic Ball on my desk. The Sarcastic Ball is like one of those Magic 8-Balls I used to love when I was a kid. Most of the students don't know who Sigmund Freud is, but it was fun to watch them shake the Sarcastic Ball and ask questions like, "Will I go to prom this year?" and the ensuing remarks when the Ball answered, "In Your Dreams!")
After showing the kids a short PowerPoint presentation about myself and some very basic class policies (such as what respect in the classroom looks like), I distributed an ice-breaker activity. It was meant to be fun and a way for me to get to know them better. Right away, one of the girls loudly complained about how stupid this was and “why do we have to answer questions,” etc.
I’m afraid my personality went on default mode and I responded with sarcasm (which I think would be better received once the kids get to know me better). I replied to her, “YES, this is SCHOOL and sometimes you have to answer QUESTIONS.” She rolled her eyes (and probably did something else when I wasn’t looking).
I talked to the kids about putting their cell phones and i-pods away, but told them they could listen to music when they were working independently, as long as they don’t disturb others. I told them that they needed to ask for permission to use their mobile devices. Immediately following my admonition, I looked to the back of the classroom to see one of the girls using her phone to text.
So I walked to the back of the classroom and asked for her cell phone. Turns out she was using her friend’s phone and offered her own. I said, “I’ll take both of them.” So I put them in my desk drawer until the end of the period.
At the end of the day, I felt that things had gone “okay.” My attitude wasn’t helped when the instructional assistant who oversees the student store kids (a woman about my age), came in to tell me that a couple of the kids complained to her that I was “tense.” Part of their assessment might be explained by the fact that I told one of those students to put away an application she was working on and work on the hand-out I’d given her instead. The audacity!
Inside, I felt like crying. It’s hard to put so much of yourself out there and to feel rejection or to be misunderstood. But, you know, I suppose I was tense in some ways. And you can’t pull one over on the kids—they will see right through you. I had prepared for hours for my first day and was anxious to do it right. So many people had told me to establish my authority right out of the starting gate or it would go downhill quickly. In retrospect, I may have been "overcoached." Who knows?
A conversation I had with another teacher (a guy) the next day softened my stance somewhat. He told me how he uses humor to cajole students and what he does if he ultimately needs to do some hardcore discipline. His demeanor is so much more “me” that I immediately decided to adapt it instead of using the approach I took on the first day. On my second day, I focused on simply connecting with the kids, having conversations with them, and less on riding their backs or being determined that no one would pull anything over on me.
I’m pleased to say that I had several opportunities to have personal conversations with the very same kids who were rebelling the day before. I’m not saying that I won them over, but I believe that our wariness of each other was softened. I believe God gave me those opportunities and I thank Him for that.
So each day following my first was better because I slacked off on myself and on the kids. I know I didn’t handle everything ideally, but I’m okay with that. I’m learning and you know? The kids will survive (as will I).
My supervisor asked me if I was enjoying the teaching job. I answered, “I’m starting to enjoy it a little.” In retrospect, I may have embellished my answer a bit. I don’t know if I would call it enjoyment, but I’m beginning to relax a little. Some of the kids are quite open and talkative with me about their families, their jobs, their lives. I can see that they want to connect with me as a person as much as I do with them. I’m honored that God has placed me in a position to be able to do that. At times, I'm incredulous that I'm being allowed to teach.
A few kids are distrusting of me and stand-offish. Others are taking advantage of the new teacher situation and are trying to get away with doing nothing. Problem is, I’m the one with the gradebook. Part of me wants to say, “Hey, you want to goof off and fail this class? Go ahead, no skin off my back!” That’s my personality on default mode. The other part of me (the teacher part) knows that I need to try to engage and motivate every single student.
I’ve come home with a new appreciation of my own daughter. She has good study habits and is self-motivated. Sadly, there aren’t enough of those kind of students in my classes. I’ve been told by other teachers that they never give homework because the kids simply won’t do it (most, anyway).
Unfortunately, I don’t believe many of the kids in my classes would do homework, either. When I collected the documentary question sheet and reviewed their answers, I saw that some (a minority) of students took the assignment very seriously and put in good effort to think and answer the questions. Many of the others simply wrote one-sentence answers with very little thought (if any).
Here’s the bottom line for me: I believe that, for whatever reason, God has given me this opportunity, this window of time, for my life to intersect with each and every one of these students. I have no way of knowing what, if any, difference I can or will make to them. It may be audacious of me to think that I could make a difference, but I am walking forth in faith and the conviction that when God opens a door of opportunity, He will equip me to rise to the challenge. I pray for courage to meet the opportunities and challenges God has given me.
During my introduction presentation, I mentioned to the students that sometimes life throws you a “curve ball,” and went on to tell them that I was diagnosed with cancer almost two years ago. I told them that, because of the adversity, I felt the cancer experience had made me a stronger person. One of the boys asked, "So, then, you're resilient?" And I said, "Well, I guess you could say that. I try to be."
I truthfully told them that I didn’t think I would be in the classroom with them if I hadn’t gone through cancer. I added this to the presentation: "Why am I teaching? To help you become successful—not just for some future life, but RIGHT NOW—behaviorally, academically, and socially." I guess you could say that's my mission statement.
It took drawing upon all of my resources and the mercy and love of God to get me through cancer treatment and I’m relying on those same resources to accompany me on this new teaching adventure.
I looked up the definition of courage and discovered that there are several, sometimes conflicting, definitions. But I believe that the online Cambridge Dictionary really nails it: “Courage is the ability to control your fear in a dangerous or difficult situation.”
When I was younger, I always thought courageous people were somehow a cut above the rest of us, people who had no fear and who were, therefore, able to accomplish great things. I no longer believe that. I believe that true courage is exemplified when a person RESOLUTELY MOVES FORWARD, even in the face of fear or hardship. This is the kind of courage that I ask from God on a daily basis.
Many of you know that I’ve been a “Rocky” fan since the first movie came out way back in 1976. Some of the movies are better than others, but I was really surprised at the last movie, “Rocky Balboa.” I expected pure corn (well, there was a lot of that), but it worked for me anyway. There’s a speech Rocky gives to his son in the middle of the movie that I love. You really need to see the speech in context to gain the full effect.
Hear the impassioned words of Rocky Balboa, one great philosopher: